English-Saucily Abused?

Funnily Abused, that is

English is indeed the universal language; be it for education, communication and especially entertainment of many sorts.

Its universal usage however has led to all kinds of misconstrued use, some laughably funny and has indeed became saucy for unimaginable fun.

And that is why expressive grammar English and appropriate precise vocabulary is paramount!

Here goes:

In a Bangkok Temple :

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome :

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :

DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa , leaving Nairobi :

TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:

ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a Cemetery:

PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES .

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:

GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:

OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:

SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:

THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:

YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:

YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY,EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany 's Black Forest :

IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich :

BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :

WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. (Just Like British Airways!!!)

A laundry in Rome:

LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

And finally the all time classic:

Seen in an Abu Dhabi Soup shop window:

IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED, PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…

Whence-What the Nazi Grammarians Say

Grammar Nazi Flag

This article from Daven Haskey written in June, 2010 expalins the folly that derives from the wrong usage of such an interesting word such as whence.

I append his article in verbatim so that its clarity remains undiminished.

Here goes. 

" The Word 'Whence" is Pretty Much Always Used Incorrectly

Today, I found out that the word, 'whence' is pretty much used wrong,especially by modern day writers.

For example, (from the Lord of the Rings, spoken by Elrond):  “The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom; only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came.”

So why is this wrong?  ‘Whence’ actually means “from where” or “from what place”;  so what was said above was, “It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from from where it came.”  ‘Whence’ implies a “from” already; so preceding it with ‘from’, which is commonly done, is redundant.  This is the principal advantage of using a word like “whence” instead of just saying “from where”; it implies the “from” already.

This is very similar to “hence” which, if used to refer to time or location, has an implied “from”: “from this place” or “from this time”. For example: “I shall go hence.”; meaning “I shall go from here”.

It isn’t just now-a-days that this has been commonly misused either.   Grammar Nazis have been long enraged about the “from whence” faux paus since as early as the thirteenth century.

Whence did this first start popping up?  There are numerous examples of the “from whence” incorrect usage in works by Shakespeare, Defoe, Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, and even several in the King James Bible.

So just remember:

‘from whence’ = ‘from from where’ = bad

‘whence’ = ‘from where’ = good "

Though they may have lost much of their use in English currency these days, many words such as lest,hence and whence are still appropriate if used wisely in context.

Happy learning English to you!