Morrie's Lesson: Marriage

So what is Morrie's take on marriage?

I remembered way back in the early 90's when I was in Sri Lanka. It was dawn when we got up. Three of us-Devendra Agochiya, Ong Ang Ieam and I sat along a corridor, faced the horizon, hoping to catch the first rays of the morning sun in Columbo. We were at the International Youth Centre, a couple of kilometers away from the city.

It was a day after the hartal, the first anniversary of the death of Rajiv Gandhi. Things were very tense in Sri Lanka then as no vehicles were allowed on the road for a day by the Little Tigers of Tamil Eelam (LTTE). If they are, they will be bombed! I am digressing.

I remembered Ong asking Agochiya this,"What is marriage?"

"It's a commitment," Agochiya replied.

So when I read this word" commitment" in Tuesdays with Morrie, I am again transported back to the halcyon days I was in this troubled island state.

So what are the pointers from Morrie on marriage?

A general statement first-almost everyone has problems in marriage; so you are not alone.

Morrie's pointers are

Firstly, marry someone who has the same set of values

Secondly, respect your partner always

Thirdly, be open to your partner

Finally,learn how to accommodate and compromise

Why is marriage important to us all?

He says we need someone to care or to be cared in our hours of pain like in times of sickness. Friends can be dear and near but they are not at hand all the time. They is no substitute for a family and its members.

Morrie says that marriage was a commitment for him and his generation. Today, that no longer holds true. The younger generation seems to get in and out of marriages and divorce is almost a norm.

Morrie contends that partners jumped into marriage out of selfishness. Actually they do not know themselves well when they jumped into holy matrimony. So,what would you expect-when you do not know your own self well, can you actually know your partner well or care to know the partner well? Do they actually know who they are marrying?

What does marriage do?

Marriage test us.

It allows us to know ourselves and to know who is the other person.

It allows us to accommodate any differences.

His advice: Every one should marry. If not, they are missing out a lot.

Morrie likes to quote W.H. Audern: Love each other or perish.

Remember the other saying?

It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?